Friday, February 21, 2014

Where Did the Time Go?!

Oh me, oh my.  Goodness gracious.  What the heck.

Guys -- I have a five month old baby.  Weird, right?  As of yesterday, I've been a mom for five whole months!!  It's seriously mind blowing to me that in a few short weeks my baby will be half a year old!

She's great though.  She's enormous and ridiculously strong.  She doesn't fully sit up yet, but she's about a week or two away from fully crawling. Yeah, that's right, you heard me: crawling.  What five month old baby already crawls?!  I guess my she-hulk of a baby does.

Here are some fun pics I got of her a few days ago.

There were some that were a whole lot cuter, but for the sake of not putting an entirely nude baby on the internet, these were the ones I picked.  I know they're basically all the same, but what can I say - I'm a mom and I think my baby is the cutest one in the whole wide world!

She's really funny these days.  All she wants to do is babble and make wet raspberry noises either on you, or books, or with her tongue.  She also is on the move and 6 days from potentially getting solid foods (fingers crossed the DDS says it's ok!).  She smiles at her toys.  She LOVES looking at herself in the mirror, always kissing and smiling and cooing at herself.  She's super social with other babies.  She's starting to show love in different ways.  She reaches for people when she wants them to hold her.  She laughs like crazy.  She drools all over the place and chews on everything.  She LOVES playing with her toys -- if you take a toy away she gets visibly upset unless you replace it or pick her up.  Reading is her new favorite activity besides chewing on the books.  Basically, she puts the sunshine in my life daily.


I'm putting ones that I got of her the day before her 5 month birthday on the other blog.  If you'd like to see more of those, click the picture below :)

But they're not up yet.  I'll set a click through link once they're posted!

Monday, February 17, 2014

Me, Myself, and I

Guys, I'm super stoked!

Photography has always been something I've loved.  A little hobby that brings a smile to my face.  For years my favorite thing in the world has been taking pictures of friends and family for all their different occasions . . . but for the most part, it was always put on the back burner.

A few years ago, my friends asked me to take engagement pictures for them.  Normally I'd think it was no big deal, but for whatever reason, I got super choked up!  I mean, I was excited, but I didn't feel I had the goods to take someones engagement pics.  I mean, those are super important!  Well, they were to me.  Anyway.  Since then, I've been itching to take classes.  Not that I necessarily think I don't know enough or am not good enough, but just to build my confidence and make me feel ok asking for and accepting money for my work.

Well, I've finally done it!  I finally found classes, that I believed were legitimate and affordable.  They're taught by a Brooks Institute graduate, which already had me weak in the knees.  Ever since I first picked up a camera, I swooned over the dream of going to Brooks.  But, my parents thinking it was just a phase I was going through, said it was too expensive.  Which, has some merit.  Brooks is a pretty expensive private school.  Anyway -- this is like, the next best thing for me.  One day, when the hubs has loads of moolah, and my babes are all independent, and we for whatever reason decide to move to Santa Barbra . . . I'll attend that oh-so dreamy school.  But probably not until after I get that masters from Penn State I've been dreaming about (whaa-wha).

I'm just excited I'm finally allowing myself the chance to focus on me and my passion.  It's not the traditional pampering of ones self, but for me, this is the best!  I have classes and assignments.  Oh gol-ly, I'm giddy!

Tune in for updates on my other blog.  I normally don't do crossover posts.  But this was just too cool for me.


- Megs

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

All Tied Up: A story of tongue and lip ties

REVISED 02.15.2014

*Disclaimer:  This post may be a bit controversial, and is very long.  To those of you who follow my blog, please know this is super dear to my heart.  To those of you who stumble upon my blog, I'm speaking from first hand experience as a first-time mom.
*** I do not take credit for any of the pictures included in this post ***

So I'm writing this post and updating my blog, because I've become pretty passionate about a few things over the last few months.

No one tells you how difficult it's going to be to feed your baby.  You think, "Oh it's natural - people have done it for thousands of years,"which is true . . . but at the same time, it's so not.  I had an especially hard time with my little Harper Mae.  Because I'm a first time mom, I had no idea what to look for, what was right, what was wrong, what it was supposed to feel like, what it wasn't supposed to feel like -- that whole deal.  I knew she had issues, but I didn't realize just how bad they were until two or three weeks ago.

Ever heard of tongue-tie?  It's that weird looking thing some people have where their tongue attaches to the bottom of their mouth.  It's known medically as Ankyloglossia: 

, also known as tongue-tie, is a congenital oral anomaly which may decrease mobility of the tongue tip[1] and is caused by an unusually short, thick lingual frenulum, a membrane connecting the underside of the tongue to the floor of the mouth.[2] Ankyloglossia varies in degree of severity from mild cases characterized by mucous membrane bands to complete ankyloglossia whereby the tongue is tethered to the floor of the mouth.[2]

Ankyloglossia can affect feedingspeech, and oral hygiene[3] as well as have mechanical/social effects.[4] Ankyloglossia can also prevent the tongue from contacting the anterior palate. This can then promote an infantile swallow and hamper the progression to an adult-like swallow which can result in an open bite deformity.[2] It can also result in mandibular prognathism; this happens when the tongue contacts the anterior portion of the mandible with exaggerated anterior thrusts.[2]

Basically, in infants, tongue-tie prevents babies from being able to eat effectively or stick out their tongue.  They get fussy because eating is very difficult, tiring, and frustrating.  Imagine trying to eat, drink, or talk while holding a skittle or two under your tongue.  It's like, basically impossible.  So not only are they not getting adequate food, they're not able to latch on well or suck well.  Which makes them unhappy and many fail to thrive.  They're pretty quiet too, because even their cooing is exhausting.

Well, Harper doesn't have that.  Well . . . she does, but it's different and I'll come back to that later.  Almost every mom, experienced or not, knows to look for one.  But what they don't know (or at least I didn't), is to look for a lip-tie.

A lip-tie is where the maxillary labial frenum is attached, at some degree, to the gums and/or hard palate.  Essentially there is a piece of skin that tethers the upper lip to the roof of the mouth preventing the babe from getting an adequate, or deep, latch.  Babies with sever lip-ties fall off while eating and cause for an especially painful feed for momma.

They come in different widths, lengths and severity, just like a tongue tie.  These also can cause oral hygiene problems.  Food and milk can get stuck in pockets under the immobile lip as teeth develop resulting in tooth decay in baby teeth which eventually leads to tooth decay in adult teeth.  But also issues with orthodontics.  Many infants with tongue tie grow up to be toddlers with a huge gap in between their teeth and end up as teenagers with braces.

Now the maxillary labial frenum is essentially pointless.  It doesn't have many nerve endings or a large blood supply, and is often cut when adolescents get braces anyway . . . but for whatever reason, doctors don't often advise to get the issue corrected as an infant.  A moderate to severe lip tie can (this is speaking from personal experience) absolutely cause huge issues breastfeeding.  Some issues related to lip-tie include failure to latch properly, painful feeds, low milk supply, poor weight gain, GERD, reflux, gas pains and countless others.  This is mostly because when the lip is tightly tethered down, the infant cannot flange (or flare/flip out) their upper lip.  Instead of their mouth looking like a tulip or fish lips, the top lip curls under while the bottom lip flares down.

Harper was gaining weight fine . . . but at my expense.  She was eating every hour on the hour all day and every three hours at night.  Which, for a newborn is totally understandable and find . . . but a four month old?  Come on now, Momma needs a break!  I wasn't able to leave her, because she was still insanely dependent on me.  Not only that, her feedings included screaming to get on, screaming while on, and screaming coming off.  Harper's feeds were incredibly stressful for me, and her.  So much so that both of us dreaded it.  We weren't bonding over those moments, in fact we were feeling alienated and distanced.  I sat there crying wondering what I was doing wrong and why I couldn't get her to eat.  While I'm sure she was laying in my arms wondering why this was so tiring and frustrating.

So we met with a consultant.  She opened our eyes to the world of lip-ties and posterior tongue-ties.  This is what I said I would get to later.  A person can have a tongue tie, that's basically invisible.  Tongue ties can be under a layer of skin on the bottom of the tongue, or so far back that you just don't see it if you don't know to look for it.

It was amazing.  Everything our consultant was telling us just clicked.  Everything finally made sense!! The tongu-tie was why Harper couldn't stick her tongue out or lateralize (move it from side to side).  The tongue-tie is what caused the clicking sound every time she "fell off."  The lip-tie caused Harper to continually slip off.  The lip-tie was what prevented her from getting a deep latch.  The combination of the two caused her fussiness, gassiness, and reflux.  I felt as though I was once blind, but could now see.

Well, we knew the problem.  Now what?

This is the icky part: getting the infant frenectomy.  Many pediatricians, unless it's the tongue tie that first comes to mind, don't deem it necessary to get ties fixed.  When they do, they're often referring out to a pediatric ENT.  This is all fine and dandy . . . but why not go to someone who works on mouths, gums, and teeth all day every day?  Pediatric dentists are equipped with tools to only use local anesthetics rather than put an infant or child "under."  They also have lasers.

* * *
Although an infant frenectomy is referred to as "surgery," by some professionals, it is not surgery in the traditional sense.  It is as much "surgery," as getting a wisdom tooth pulled (not removed), having a root canal performed, or having a cavity filled is surgery.  The numbing method used by the pediatric dentist is the same as for a child getting a cavity, but at a significantly lower dose.  Harper received three drops of Novocain.  The effects of which wore off minutes after the procedure was completed.  Furthermore, the procedure takes no more than a maximum of five minutes. 
* * * 

I'm sure what you're thinking right now is somewhere along the lines of, "UHM.  WHAT?!  You want me to allow some stranger to shoot a LASER into my sweet baby's MOUTH?!"  Well . . . calm down.  And yes.  Yes, I absolutely do!

I'm a pretty anxious person, and am basically always afraid that Harper is on the brink of death.  Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration.  But the point is I'm very cautious with her.  I take things slow and read as much as I can on the topic to keep myself informed.  As someone who graduated with a BA in a Social Science, I've been trained to look for both qualitative and quantitative empirical, peer reviewed, journal articles.  I understand that small sample sizes can lead to tainted data.  This being said, I also understand that it takes a while for studies to build their sample size and for there to be enough studies out on a certain topic to really make an impact in the social and medical world.  A truth can be a truth, but unless it's presented the way those at the top of the ladder want, it's often scoffed at and brushed aside.

But back to my point -- using a dental laser is ideal for this procedure.  The DDS knows what he or she is doing.  A laser provides faster healing as well as a more painless and bloodless procedure.

I'm lucky that my pediatrician said, go ahead and do what you think you need to, I don't know that it's necessary, but if you think it'll make a difference, go for it.  Which I guess is a better reaction than most.  So we went to a pediatric dentist.  Who was AMAZING.  The pediatric dentist called us that night to check in on Harper.  He comforted and reassured me as I held her during the procedure.  He even offered to have us come back multiple times a day to do the massage and stretch if it was too upsetting for me to do on my own.

Anyway:  The procedure itself is heart breaking.  You stand there holding your child's arms down, thinking, "I am a terrible mom," as she cries and cries and cries.  Then when you feed her immediately post surgery you think, "WOW!  I can't believe what a difference this is!  What a relief, I've done the right thing."  Then four hours later when it comes time for you to stretch her lip/tongue and massage the incisions, you turn back to the, "I can't believe what a terrible parent I am.  Purposefully inflicting pain on my precious little angel," as she again, cries and cries, and cries.  This goes on for about three weeks (I'm only at the one week mark, but I hear things get better).


Now I haven't made it through all three weeks yet, but I have made it through one week.  I also have seen my lactation consultant once in home and once in a weekly mommy-and-me breastfeeding group.  I felt miserable until I saw the difference in Harper's pre and post feed weight.


When we first saw our consultant, she was eating for somewhere between 2 and 5 minutes every feed and drinking only 1.2 oz per feed (hence the need for feeding every 45 - 60 minutes).  But at the group, Harper ate for 6 minutes (still only eating for 3-6 minutes at a time) and . . . drum roll please . . . took in 6.5 oz!!!!

Seriously.  It is worth it.  My baby can go 2-3 hours between feeds, is satisfied at the end of every feed (unless she is just being a grump), laughs more, smiles more, coos more, sticks out her tongue, mimics more, and is all in all a much happier babe.  It's so nice to see her so different.  She has freedom in her mouth that she didn't have before and she LOVES it.

Long story short.  If you're having troubles, check.  If you're nervous, do you research.  But in the end, if it's right for your babe, no matter how hard it may be on you, just do it.  These few short moments of anguish will result in an amazing change.  Plus you're much less likely to have to deal with speech impediments and a whole host of oral hygiene issues later.

My hope with this post is that it will help someone out there somewhere, who is looking for answers like I was.

** These videos are the ones my Harpers DDS recommended we watch.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The First Few Months

I meant to post this months ago, but my newly acquired momma brain kept me forgetful. I would add a little every time and forget to post. But not this time!

For all my man readers (#yeahright) who have eagerly (again #yeahright) awaited the announcement of our baby girl - it's finally here!

I am oh-so pleased to announce the birth of our baby girl Harper Mae.  She was born September 20th at 11:45pm . . . only 15 minutes before her due date and an extra day in the hospital for mom.  At birth she weighed a total of 8lbs 14oz and measured 21.5 inches long.

She came out quiet after a stressful labor and eventually had her lungs aspirated, but other than that she was nice and healthy!  I say eventually because it seemed like forever, but in reality she was quiet for maybe 15 seconds before she started crying and coughing up fluid.  Silly girl didn't realize you're not supposed to try breathing before entering the world.

The first few months of being a mom has been crazy. . . crazy amazing that is!  No, but seriously.  While it has been hectic the sleepless nights, dietary changes, aching body, and hours of crying have been so worth it.  In all honesty, our sweet little baby girl has been pretty perfect.  I know I have a mother's bias, but she really is a good baby.  Now that we have her reflux under control she only cries when she's hungry, tired, has bad gas, or needs her diaper changed.  One day she'll be so embarrassed I've posted this.  But until then, I'll blog away!

 This is the face of someone whose had the pants scared off her because she's in labor for the first time ever.  This was a few minutes after being admitted to the hospital at 3:45am and I'm pretty sure I was thinking something along the lines of, It hurts this bad and I'm only how dilated?!  Dom thought it would be smart (which it was) to take pictures of my progress throughout the day.  Below you'll see a before and after of the epidural.  Guess which is which?  It's not too hard!

I then proceeded to get only a little rest.  For some reason I could only fall asleep on my right side, and I had to switch sides ever hour until I really got into it.  
Here is my two-cents on epidurals: they're wonderful things.  This being said, make sure you're really far enough along before you get one.  The extra hour or so of pain will be worth it in the long run.  And get a second opinion on your dilation before you call the anesthesiologist.  You don't want to be over 24 hours between meals and have to push a baby out, trust me! I was at a 3 and the nurse felt me at a 5, and said at that stage the epidural wouldn't slow down the process. But my 24 hours of laboring and 3 hours of pushing will drastically disagree with that. 
This is the last picture taken before that great and dreadful moment.  TMI?  Probably.
Aaaaand she was born.  Hooray!


And so now I'm a mom.  Crazy, right?  It's the best thing in the world though.  It's a lot easier, and yet harder than anyone tells you it will be.  She is my world.

I haven't done a very good job of updating this blog.  For pictures of Harper over the last few months, please see my photography blog

Monday, September 9, 2013

Thirst Quenched

I don't know what has come over me, perhaps it's the last and final pregnancy craving, or maybe the fact that we've entered the season of pumpkin flavored everything -- either way, this week I have been absolutely unable to get Starbucks off my mind.

I always loved coffee and coffee flavored things, but haven't indulged ever since I began avoiding caffeine and coffee.  Back in the day Starbucks was a special treat for me.  But it wasn't something I was ever addicted to so it wasn't hard to give up . . . Until now apparently!

Well anyway, I decided today while thinking about a Starbucks pumpkin spice latte, that I wanted to find out what options they do have for LDS and other no coffee or caffeine drinkers.  No matter where I looked I couldn't find an exhaustive list, or one that was truly caffeine free.  So obviously, I decided to make one of my own!  And boy, oh boy did what I find excite me!!

Hot chocolates
- Traditional hot chocolate
- White hot chocolate
- Zebra hot chocolate
- Flavored hot chocolate
        - Pumpkin, peppermint, Nutella, hazelnut, salted caramel, vanilla, or any other syrup they have can be added to either the traditional or white hot chocolates

(I always assumed these were coffee or espresso based beverages...but it turns out I was wrong!)
- Cinnamon Dolce Crème
- Double Chocolatey Chip Crème
- Vanilla Bean Crème
- Strawberries and Crème
- Salted Caramel Mocha Crème
- Pumpkin Spice Crème
- Basically anything with the word Crème in it

- Steamed Apple Juice
- Caramel Apple Spice
- Steamed Milk
- Flavored Steamed Milk
        - Pumpkin, peppermint, Nutella, hazelnut, vanilla, raspberry or any other syrup they have can be added
- Vanilla Rooibos Tea Latte (iced or regular)
- Blended Strawberry Lemonade

I tried to to the best research I could to avoid anything black tea or coffee based. I even looked up the ingredients to the mocha sauce/syrup to ensure that was coffee free.  A lot of the lists I looked up included the chai and chocolate chai variations (which were my absolute favorite), but chai tea is traditionally black tea based.  Which, for word of wisdom followers or the rest of the no-caffeine population, is off limits.  That is of course, unless you find a rooibos chai, which is a red herbal tea and therefore ok.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the list!!  I've only tried a very select few, so recommendations/your favorites would be delightful.

Don't see your favorite?  Let me know!!  I'd be happy to add it to the list :)

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Oh, Baby!

Well, time sure does fly when you're . . . pregnant?!

That's right - you heard me, pregnant.  And what an exciting surprise it was to find out 9 months ago that we were to expect our lives to forever change for the better.  We're both young, we're both still getting established in the "real world," but our little family just got a whole lot more real . . . and we couldn't be happier!

The Mr. and I consider ourselves to be incredibly lucky.  We are blessed with families that love and support us completely and are incredibly excited to welcome our precious little babe to the world.

As one could expect, it's been a crazy 9 months.  But not as crazy as I would have initially expected.  I've been blessed to have a complication free pregnancy!

Here are some of the highlights:

First Trimester (weeks 1 - 12)
  • Our first ultrasound was probably one of the most special experiences of my life thus far.  Not only did we get to see our little bundle of joy for the first time, but we got to do it on Valentines Day!!  I'm pretty sure a girl can't get a better present than that!While most people are trapped with those morning-sickness blues, I was of the rare percent that missed it almost entirely!  Sure I had some nausea, but that's about as far as it went!  I most certainly wasn't controlled by it.  For that reason alone I consider myself to be incredibly lucky!
  • One the down side, I ended up having to get a root canal basically the second we found out I was pregnant.  Which meant I got nothing to help relieve the pain - talk about ouch!!
  • And perhaps the saddest part of my first trimester was our inevitable move from Southern California back "home."  After living somewhere for five years and finding the most amazing job ever, the move was almost devastating.  It was so sad to leave my friends and colleagues, but it was so exciting to turn the page to a new chapter and live in a place surrounded by family.
Second Trimester (weeks 13 - 27)
  • This trimester was fun.  Any hint of morning sickness I did have was utterly washed away and I went from teeny-tiny flat-bellied me to what I thought was crazy gigantic!
  • We got our "big" ultrasound that informed us that our precious little baby was 99% positively a girl!  From there oodles of shopping and crafting began.  It's basically impossible to walk past a baby aisle or into a baby store without melting over the cute little outfits!
  • I felt movement for the first time . . . and I don't care what anyone says - it does NOT feel like butterflies.  It feels like someone is kicking you - hard - from the inside out haha
  • We took a trip back east for a family reunion.  The plane rides were something else with the swelling and bathroom breaks, but it was so much fun and so worth it to see all my extended family . . . even if I wasn't allowed to wakeboard, kneeboard, or go tubing!
  • Eventually I did really pop to basically my full-term size and learned the painful world of heartburn

Third Trimester (weeks 28 - 40)
Exactly 1 month till the due date
  • More swelling
  • More bathroom breaks
  • More difficulty breathing
  • More heartburn
  • More trouble sleeping
  • More contractions
  • More kicks . . . harder kicks
  • But it all prepares you for labor, delivery, and post-partum life!  Plus my crazy monthly weight gain tapered off completely and I've still yet to get stretch marks!! Lucky, lucky, lucky.
  • Best part of the third trimester - her hiccups.  My Mr. gets so excited and giddy when she gets hiccups . . . which of course makes me beyond happy.
It's crazy how much you bond and how much closer you grow as a couple during this gestation period. Knowing you're soon going to be responsible for human life -- that you have created and are bringing into this world a tiny little person with wants, needs, emotions, and who is entirely dependent on you for survival is truly amazing.  The fact that your body can combine random gametes and turn these little cells into a living, breathing human being is breathtaking.

As scary and crazy as all of this is . . . and as much as I really don't want to have to give birth . . . I am incredibly excited.  It's going to be so fun to see her face and hear her voice!  With 2.5 weeks left, she could come any day now.  We have the nursery set up, the hospital bags packed, and are just waiting for the "time."

Knowing how terrible I am at blogging, you probably won't hear from me again until our little one is here with us.  But I'm beyond excited to show her off!  And hopefully her presence and my 6+ month leave of working will be enough motivation to get the weekly blogging habit engrained into me :)

Sunday, August 11, 2013

One Year

June 22nd, 2012 was, until now, the best day of my life.  It was the day I married my sweet husband.  We have officially been married 1 year and I couldn't be happier!

Seeing as this was our first anniversary, I wanted to do something special.  But we're not millionaires, so I looked to Pinterest for inspiration on how to make this day as special, if not more so, than our actual wedding day.

Let's be honest - we all know I went over the top.  Because that's just kind of what I do!  I thought it would be fun to start the traditional anniversary gifts.  Thank heavens year one was paper!  I don't know what I would have done if it was the diamond anniversary!

Anyway, I found my pinspiration, and proceeded to craft away!  We've been staying with family the past few months to save some extra bucks.  The town we grew up in, where just about all of Mr.'s family lives is not an inexpensive area!!  Seeing as he wants to settle down here, we figured it was best to save up the money rather than rent so we can get that much closer to purchasing a home.  Back to the story -- I wanted to have an amazing romantic and fun anniversary, but couldn't quite figure out how to work that out . . . seeing as we live with family.  So I ended up renting a hotel room down the street to create the magical vision I had for our anniversary.

Step 1) Ambiance.
I gathered together some white Christmas lights to create romance without candles.  Plus, what's prettier than a bunch of twinkling lights?!

Step 2) Set Up.
So I wanted to do the cute little Balloon-Picture thing that's all over Pinterest.  I bought 12 balloons in our wedding colors and gathered 12 - 24 pictures of us over the past year and floated them over the bed.  I also got us each a "love journal," that I placed on the pillows.  Now before you get creeped, they're books I bought at Border's that give you ideas on how to journal about why you love your spouse, how you met, fun memories, etc.  Of course I got fancy sodas and a bottle of sparkling Martinelli's and put it in an ice bucket with some "classy" plastic champagne flutes.  I brought over our record player and some romantic records and a few items of wedding paraphernalia for memories, and last but not least, some nice chocolates and the top layer of our wedding cake for us to enjoy later.

Step 3) Surprise.
I didn't want him to know about ANY of my plans . . . so I was super sneaky and pulled it off as though I didn't really do, get, or make anything for our special day.  I woke him up with a box of doughnuts and said something along the lines of, "I'm sorry I couldn't really do anything special for us today.  I know you hate breakfast, but love doughnuts . . . so I got you these so we can have breakfast-in-bed."  The sweetheart he is thought I was adorable and said he didn't need anything else and this was perfect.  Meanwhile on the inside I'm squealing with excitement thinking I've fooled him.  I then excused myself because my mom "needed my help" and told him I had one other small thing for us, the time I would be home, and just to be in whatever is comfortable.  I left to set up . . . having sneakily already packed a bag of his clothes and toiletries.  Upon my return I convinced him to put on a blindfold as I drove to our destination and walked him through the halls of the hotel -- all the while he kept guessing and freaking out about what was going on (especially in the elevator).  When we got to the room I walked him in and told him it was ok to take of the blindfold, he was speechless.  I haven't seen the man cry since our wedding day.  He was so touched by everything, making all the effort worthwhile.

We had a super fun rest of our afternoon and got ready together at the hotel for our traditional anniversary dinner (from when we were dating) at The Melting Pot.  And I got to surprise him one last time with my final first anniversary gift to him -- a 52 Reasons Why I Love You deck of cards book.

When we got back full-bellied and exhausted, he played our first dance and we ended our celebration dancing in the moonlight from the balcony.

Needless to say, it was a great first anniversary.